All I Ever Am

I think too much of all that’s gone
Of how it was before my thoughts
Obsessed with choices made for sure
In ignorance of history
And consequence as more and more
I misremember hopelessly

The way love turned out every time
Was never quite enough

I lose all my life like this
Reflecting time and memories
And all for fear of what I’ll find
If I just stop and empty out my mind
Of all the ghosts and all the dreams
All I hold to in belief
That all I ever am
Is somehow never quite all I am now

I think too much of all to come
Of how it will be after I give up
My weary dance with age
And resignation moves me slow
Toward a dark and empty stage
Where I can sing the world I know

The way love turns out every time
Will never be enough

I waste all my world like this
Intending time and memories
And all for fear of what I’ll find
If I just stop and empty out my mind
Of all the ghosts and all the dreams
All I hold to in belief
That all I ever am
Is somehow never quite all I am now

And all for fear of what I’ll find
If I just stop